Afternoon Baseball

This part of baseball's offseason bores me, so I'm rambling off-topic. After all, the big news is that A-Rod is playing for the U.S., apparently. Or China. Or maybe not. He changes his mind more than a 90-year-old man drinking coffee has to use the bathroom.

So the Golden Globes were last night. I had no idea that "Transamerica" was a movie and not an airline, that Mary-Louise Parker was on a Showtime show, nor had I seen more than 1 or 2 of the films nominated for anything. So I was real prepared. But I was fully ready to slam everyone that showed up, not talk about the merits of the nominees. Relax. It's not mean-spirited. I don't even discuss Hillary Swank and how she always manages to look like a man who is thatclose to just decking you. Oops.

One nice thing about working at a newspaper is access to the AP photo wire. I was looking for a front-page photo, preferably horizontal, from the Golden Globes. We ended up going with the scary guy from "House" holding his well-deserved award. Why well-deserved? Well, "House" has probably the worst promos in the history of television, yet people still watch the show. (The best was that one from this year's baseball playoffs, where for a month you just saw, 50 times a night, House yell, without context, "Take these pills or I let you die!") (Furthermore, Omar Epps is on the show, yet that has not doomed it. Seriously -- look at his IMDB profile. "Dracula 2000," "Scream 2," "The Mod Squad," "Big Trouble," "In Too Deep," "Major League II." My God, I'm laughing out loud at this travesty. Especially "Brother." Three minutes in, you see him walking down the street, and you're like, hell, I'm screwed with this film.)
Anyways, House was a great front-page photo to show that TV is part of the Golden Globes and that us journalists are hip with the new jive. Plus, House clearly in character as the edgy, creepy doctor all the time in life. This is the least-intense picture I could find.

Sadly, at home, all I can access is Reuters' photos, which are still good for the demonstration and include much of the AP archive.
As the minor-league award show, the Golden Globes -- unlike the Oscars, where even the worst fashion disasters can be blamed on the designer -- really show you who just does not give a crap about the way they look. As WWTDD.com demonstrates, Gwyenth Paltrow apparently is in her mid-50s. I think she played the mom in "Meet The Fockers." (Anyone get the inside joke?) Be careful before you click on the close-ups. You may blind yourself.
I'd link to Mariah Carey, but that's just violating decency laws.

One of my favorite parts was seeing photos of (the misspelled) Mischa Barton, Pamela Anderson and Jessica Alba showing up. Do they go because they enjoy not having any pressure of ever being nominated? Like, are the MTV Movie Awards too intense because they're nominated for "Best Hot Outfit" or "Best Hair"? Do they look at the winners with their trophies and seriously think, "Someday, that could be me"? It was nice that fellow-never-winning-a-damn-thing actress Mila Jovovich kept tradition and had her French homeless look. And good to see Heath Ledger is a Secret Service agent in his spare time. On the other hand, the Mary Kate Olsen "coke addict without any of Kate Moss' good points" look is getting old.
On the TV end of things, apparently, this show "Lost" is really good. Again, haven't watched it, but I believe the fans. Apparently, Evangeline Lilly is in it. The word is that she came to the Globes straight from some prom that had a medical-drama theme.
The other good thing about these award shows are the candid shots. For instance, what in the hell are Emma Thompson and Laura Linney laughing about? Could they just be drunk, or could they be cracking themselves over the fact that they get nominated in virtually every medium, every year, yet 99% of people couldn't differentiate one from the other out of a lineup in which they were the only women?
In the same vein, are Debra Messing and Jill Hennessy enjoying the realization that they're both on overrated, declining NBC shows and will have no careers after those programs end?

Question maybe someone can answer? Is Mary Louise Parker pregnant? Maybe the angle's just bad? I hate to make fun, because she was one of the best characters "West Wing" ever had and a great actress.

I won't make fun of everybody, though. I'm glad Steve Carell won for "The Office." Of course, Jason Bateman won a couple years ago for "Arrested Development," and that did little to help that show. But "The Office" is on a network that knows how to promote, so godspeed. Also, Rachel Weisz, won for "The Constant Gardener," another movie I've yet to see. One of my favorite actresses, , especially in "Confidence." And the "Walk the Line" stars deserve their awards, especially in light of the oversized personalities they had to portray.

Ah, that was a colossal waste of time, you may say. I disagree. I was going to give this critique in bits and pieces in my travels as it was, so I might as well immortalize it for the public record. Good day, my friends.